Why We Drive Each Other Crazy
So, why do you think guys and gals drive each other crazy? (Get a few responses from those in your audience, to promote involvement and conversation.)
Buffaloes and Butterflies
Describe and discuss the differences between a buffalo and a butterfly.
- plows through
- eats flowers
- focused on eating grass
- lands on flowers
- gets an overview from the sky
What if I taped a pebble to the back of a buffalo? What about a butterfly?
Note: any analogy breaks down at some point. This analogy doesn’t necessarily compare buffaloes to men and butterflies to women, but rather it shows contrast.
Differences Between Guys and Gals
Here, the key word is different … not wrong! It is okay to be different.
So how different are we? “Let me count the ways …”.
1. In Physical Differences Alone
What are some of our physical differences?
(Ask those in your audience to give some examples.)
Beyond that: men are “brain-washed.” Baby boys, while still in the womb waiting to be born, undergo sort of an “acid wash” from hormones in their mother’s body. This separates their right-brain from their left-brain (you can explain differences in left and right brain). Girls do not get this same wash, and boys all get it at different strengths. We’re all different, so we can’t stereotype. In general, there are distinctive differences between guys and girls.
2. Compartmental vs. Universal
Here are some examples:
- A boyfriend and girlfriend are watching a football game on TV. She keeps talking to him, doing cross-stitch, reading a book and keeping track of the game. He gets irritated. WHY? When answering her, he’s missing the game! He can only focus on one thing; she can juggle several thoughts.
- A boy and girl go on a date. She gets home and brushes her teeth. Is she thinking about her teeth? NO. She’s thinking about him, their date reputation, and tomorrow at school with him. He’s brushing his teeth. Is he thinking about teeth? Yes.
3. Logical vs. Intuitive
An Example: Adding machine vs. Computer
An adding machine adds up, when done you can have the tape go back and show exactly where you got your answer, double check, etc. Computer just pops out the answer, you have no idea how it came up with it, you’re even skeptical, but it’s most likely right. Men think it through point by point like an adding machine and seem to need more time to do it. Women seem to assess the situation instantly.
By the way, a woman’s “intuition” actually gets too much credit for being a mystery. It’s actually more easily linked to their universal ability to take so much in that they don’t often realize they’ve noted something and included it in their assessment.
4. Physical vs. Emotional
Boys like what they can touch, measure, color. Girls like what they feel good about. Think about children playing outside.
- Boys – GI Joe, trucks, bombs, grunts, wrestling, etc.
- Girls – Barbie and Ken, talking, getting intimate, on sports teams, unity
- For guys on sports teams they focus on winning. (even if they have a problem with a teammate, if they can pass, or run, or kick, or shoot for a point, they play well together!)
- Girls won’t pass to the better player if they are mad at her or don’t like her!
5. Separateness vs. Oneness
- Going to the bathroom: Boys go alone; girls go in herds.
- A bachelor’s apartment has piles of socks, mail, laundry, recycling, and dishes, with nothing on walls, and no frills (not to mention the smell). The single girls usually have covered couches, matching curtains, pretty bathrooms, and handmade wall hangings.
- Girls become a part of their environment. Men who are in an unhappy environment can focus and accomplish the goal; girls usually can’t function.
Making the Most of Our Differences
All this stuff really interrelates:
- Men: compartmental, logical, physical, separate
- Women: universal, intuitive, emotional, oneness
We are very different, but would we want a whole world of only buffaloes or of just butterflies? So, can a buffalo become a butterfly? Not at all! And we wouldn’t want that. Rather, we can benefit and learn from the differences.
1. Benefits of the differences.
We can appreciate the way our differences balance each other out, and let them remain different.
2. Learn from the differences
Perhaps the buffalo can learn to be more sensitive, and the butterfly can become more sturdy. We can gain by learning from each other.
What To Do With the Differences
1. Ease up. Don’t take differences as wrong or a threat.
2. Be a student. Study the likes and dislikes of male, female genders and individuals.
3. Listen. Ask, “What do you mean by that?”
4. Communicate. Tell a member of the opposite sex, “This is how I feel …” and why.
5. Forgive. Cancel outstanding debts. Remember, they are not the enemy.
You’re asking me to love?
Now is that going too far? Remember:
- We can’t love unconditionally on our own.
- We can only hope to love unconditionally to some extent and only at some times – if we are plugged into the source of unconditional love and acceptance: God.
(Here, transition to gospel presentation)